Tonight, after three earlier attempts I had to throw out, I went back to basics and made another in this elegiac series. Two of my elders died this week and although my involvement with them was years ago, it`s sad. One was my 90 year old cousin Elizabeth who had the courage to be a free spirit when that wasn`t cool at all. The other was my former landlady, Olus Ramsey in New Mexico who lived to be 95. She gave me a beautiful place to paint at a rent I could afford just as I was starting out as a painter at 23. Joseph Campbell said when you follow your deepest desires, doors will open where there were only walls. She was one of those doors.
So I`ve been painting badly for a couple of weeks now. The well is dry. I don`t know why but it`s like something vital was simply shut off. I`m annoyed but not too concerned as I realize I have a month of total painting immersion coming up on the coast. Still I keep trying, that`s what I do but I`m not getting anywhere. Tonight, those departed ladies are in my thoughts as I`m ripping up wet paintings and I begin yet again. My brother Mike has given me a CD he wants me to hear. He kindly and patiently sees that I have beautiful music to listen to. I don`t even remember the name of the group but I put it on and immediately go to the first track he has noted as the best. That song isn`t half way along and I am standing over this painting, brush in hand, weeping. It doesn`t stop soon.
Music will find the sore places and clean them.