I`m not going back

                                        Root Crown and Forest acrylic on Yupo 20x20 inches

 Like everyone I know, I`m consumed with worry about what my country might do. Much of the time I have faith but then the Washington Post refuses to endorse anyone, including the only sane candidate. What in the world could be behind such a public display of cowardice from the owner Jeff Bezos?? That spooks me.  After so many of those who worked with Donald Trump have alerted the world to the dire  emergency his election would be, the polls are tied. After 2016 there aren`t any arrogant Democrats alive with complete confidence the country will do the right thing. I can only hope, we all know who he is. The people will speak.

This moment is striking in the similarities with Nazi Germany. If you replace 'immigrants' from the  language of Trump and Vance with Jews, it`s the same scapegoating in an effort to create anger. That fomented rage is the engine Trump thinks will propel him back into power. It may, or not if reason  prevails.  October began in sheer horror seeing what Hurricane Helene did to the Southeast. The images alone have caused trauma. I can barely imagine the misery in those mountain towns as rescue workers fight to get basic necessities to all those isolated people. Then along comes Milton!

 Having been shocked beyond belief once, I will not make that mistake again. I imagine how desolate life will feel if Trump wins and I try to think of an appropriate response. The fear and dread will be massive, how can I be something positive and helpful? I`m working on that, there are eight days left. One thing is certain, even if the country becomes a Christian nationalist state, I will not shut up and I will not re-enter the closet. 

 

                                                Oceanside watercolor on Yupo 26x20 inches

                                                                        Oceanside

 One of my favorite beaches. The painting is a view of the waves pushing between the giant cliff and the little 'hat box' rock on the left in the photo. As the tide comes in, that passage is filled with liquid drama. We got away to the coast after the Lake Owego Open Studios. Thanks to all that came by, our conversations meant a lot to me.

                                                       Dunes acrylic on plastic 12x18 inches

 A mystery plastic surface, I was looking for a Yupo equivalent in a different size. This did not accept watercolor at all but would take acrylic if medium was added to the washes. It`s called Nara and I guess was formulated for alcohol inks. From India.

                                               Birth of Rainier acrylic on plastic 12x12 inches

                                           October Forest watermedia on Yupo 12x9 inches

The darkness is a definite challenge but once the morning finally begins, it is magnificent outside. Here are a couple of photos from nearby Champoeg State Park from last week;

                                                                    by Jane Hynous

This won by a lot in a competition of student designs for the 'I voted' stickers. She nailed it.

                                                     Portrait of Van Gogh by Francis Bacon

This is a favorite of Francis Bacon`s psychologically charged works. From early on, painting the darker side of human experience was his obsession. The work before 1960 was particularly strong. This portrait is actually based on Van Gogh`s own self portrait 'The Painter on the Road to Tarascon'. Bacon placed the painter in a box, his feet mired in turbulent mud. An effective metaphor of the troubled artist.

Sort of how it feels to be American right now.

See you on the other side.

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Lake Oswego Open Studios-latest work

                                      Summer Wetland watercolor, acrylic and oil 35x23 inches

Soon the Open Studio will have happened and I won`t have to keep announcing it. Promotion isn`t something natural to me. I`ve sent out invitations by email and texts and if I missed you, it`s not because I don`t want you to come. My mailing list is an abomination, that`s why. Sorry, please come visit anyway. I`d love to talk with you and there will be cookies.

5373 Lakeview Blvd, Lake Oswego OR 97035   #25    503 380 4731

 The painting at the top was inspired by a fishing hole on Oswego Creek. I found this out because seven boys waited patiently for me and Mitch to finish painting one morning so they could fish. No parents anywhere! That never happens anymore and it was great seeing unsupervised kids. Anyway, the painting began as a watercolor but I just couldn`t get the open spaces of water right. I re-emulsified the paint many times but could not get a particular transparency I wanted. So I sealed the whole thing up with archival spray acrylic varnish then went in again with oils. Of course it looks nothing like I intended and nothing like the place on the creek. Such is painting, I made something new.

                                      Dark Pool, Mossy Rock watermedia on Yupo 14x11 inches

                                           Across the Lake watercolor on yupo 14x11 inches

This new watercolor was painted after immersing myself in Ann Patchett`s 'Tom Lake'. Oh my what a beautiful book. Listening to it slowly was a highlight of my summer. From all I`ve heard, Michigan sounds like a uniquely special place.

                                           Iron Mountain watercolor on Yupo 23x35 inches

I walk this mountain frequently. This is where the iron was mined for the first iron works in the western United States. The furance is still standing in a different park and the walking trail there was once the train tracks.I wanted to paint dappled light but I may have something here that produces vertigo.

                                          Rainforest Floor watercolor on Yupo 14x11 inches

And a new collage;

                                                Bonfires in the Dunes watercolor collage

The election may be slipping away from Donald Trump. Every time he talks I imagine he loses support.

Good. I wish Kamala would assert herself more, quit talking about lifting people up. That is not going to win her respect or votes. Please tell us your honest thoughts on Gaza? Tough nut, I know. I think it`s possible to be a Zionist, promote a separate Palestinian state and do a lot more to protect innocent life. Make Israel the 51 state if need be but insist on an end to this war.

An employee of Trader Joes told me to buy this yesterday. That they had just come in and people were lined up an hour before opening time to purchase them. She assured me it would make an appreciated  gift.

??. What am I missing? It`s a miniature shopping bag. I own a big one and it`s dependable but can`t say it`s brought me joy.

 I was looking for a book and came upon a box of my mom`s photos.                                                   Here I am at 23 with my sad nonexistent derriere yet so happy to be living on a hill in New Mexico. Over my shoulder is Joan Mitchell`s  “La ligne de la rupture”. Painted in 1970, I tore the image out of an art magazine in 1976 and it was on all the walls I lived within for years. 

Here it is in a retrospective of her work in 2021. This show came to San Francisco and some of my friends traveled down to see it. I was still too freaked about Covid and stayed put which I now regret. I didn`t understand yet just how effective masks were. No one liked wearing them but they were quite efficient despite their controversy. Maybe I`ll see this personal talisman someday, I hope so.

 

Sarah Dwyer is an intriguing artist new to me. I keep seeing them online  but I only now read anything about her. Basically I think the work of the artist is interesting, not the artist so much.

She`s Irish, living in London and studied economics before deciding on an artistic life. What interests me so much is how she depicts forms that aren`t quite human, are mythic without being specific and always with fascinating color juxtapositions. Someone called them abstract surrealism but that doesn`t account for their unique power. They feel to me like nonverbal messages. See what you think;

                                                                            Sarah Dwyer

                                                                       Sarah Dwyer

                                                                          Sarah Dwyer

           

Words to live by.

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Hope

                                                   Windbreak oil on canvas 40x30 inches

 The two weeks between the debate and the assassination attempt were really tough on my mental health. I felt adrenaline in my system daily as it seemed I was just waiting for slaughter in the fall election.We saw profound confusion in President Biden during the debate and that is not right for the most powerful office in the world. Both my parents had some dementia in their last years though it came and went. I believed Biden had to withdraw or he would be the primary issue throughout the campaign. Friends, family, AOC and Bernie Sanders disagreed. Thank God for Nancy Pelosi!! Again! Seriously, what a warrior! She could tell that the gains of the last 15 years were about to be wiped out. Her legacy along with Bidens' and Obamas' Again, it wasn`t that Trump gained votes from the disastrous debate, it was that so many would be discouraged and wouldn`t vote at all. The  cult of the Republican Party would sweep congress and the presidency and further embolden a radical supreme court.  At least now I have hope. Now we can stop what seemed inevitable after the bullet missed its target. Their convention was like the second coming of Christ and all I could feel was doom. We cannot let that happen. Trump should never be president again.

 I believe the marvelous upwelling of support for Kamala Harris began in utter relief. We will see if she has the character and imagination to meet this moment [looks promising!] and advocate for a future we want to live in.

I`m curious to hear what the [likely] Madame President has to say.

                                                                        Mendocino

When I was 18 I had a semester of art school in Mendocino Calif. The school was really oriented more towards crafts but I wanted to be there because of the extraordinary setting. My dorm room was adjacent to an immense meadow that ended at the headlands overlooking the ocean. Also at the edge was the local high school. A double row of Monterey Cypress had been planted at the western side of their football field to act as a windbreak. I would climb into the tree at the start of the row and look down the tunnel or out to the sea. It was truly awesome. The painting above was an attempt to paint those trees from a 52 year old memory. The painting below is a small egg tempera of my perch up in the tree that I did at the time.

                                                                Mendocino Cypress

 Below are new watercolors painted on location then cleaned up in my studio;

[no titles yet]

And this painting inspired by the local streams;

                                             Oswego Creek oil on canvas 16x16 inches

                                                                 David Shrigley

                                                                       David Shrigley

                                                                    David Shrigley

I love David Shrigley. I think his work would be called conceptual art. It`s his goofy humanity for me. Look at this wonderful video interview. Such a lovely man.

 The second annual Lake Oswego Open Studios will happen this year at the end of September. For those who don`t know what this is about, an open studios tour is a self guided visit to dozens of artists studios open that weekend for guests. By looking through the website, you can decide which artists you`d like to visit. I was a founding member of the board  and though I am no longer,  I love and support this introduction of artists to the community. It`s fun!

For many years I participated in the Portland version and realized there were enough artists in Lake Oswego to do our own. So we did. This may be the last year I do this however, it depends. No matter how prepared I am or how successful the event proves to be, there is always an emotional whiplash I don`t understand and it takes too long to work through it. Solitude really is best for creating.

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We Cannot Unsee What We Saw

 

Me again and so soon! 

This is when my blog functions more like a journal. 

When I am raging with despair during a second Trump administration I want to know I at least made some small effort for a different outcome. Within the first minute of the debate last week I could tell something was seriously wrong with the president. He didn`t seem sick or tired, he seemed disoriented. On arguably, the most important night of his political career. We all saw it. It wasn`t a bad night, the president has quickly declined. Or now it is impossible to ignore. I`ve read every political analysis I can find since last Thursday and have been hoping the leaders within the Democratic party would call for him to step down. Silence. So I wrote my two senators and asked them to be courageous. More silence. So I asked the president myself this afternoon.  I filled out a form from the White House website. My feeble hope is that if enough Democrats ask him to withdraw, he will. Of course none of this gives me any pleasure or satisfaction. A week ago I didn`t care if he was bedridden, I was voting for his judgement. And I was pretty certain he would win. Who can forget the daily antics and chaos of the Trump administration? It was horrible waking every day and wondering what new cruelty or stupidity did he inflict today? If Biden remains the nominee, it will be proof that both political parties have become cults of personality and a whole lot of citizens simply won`t vote. Biden himself will be the foremost issue if he remains in the running. Not the supreme court, reproductive rights, the burning planet, Ukraine, migration, the Palestinians or Israel, the economy or social justice. 

Many regular Democrats like myself will not agree with my viewpoint but I urge them to give this more thought. Instead of seeing this as a major calamity, I feel it`s actually a blessing because of the timing. Though it won`t be easy, there is time to do something about it at the convention. But first the president must be persuaded that his chances are remote, his health not robust enough for such a role as leader of the free world. He has been a surprisingly effective leader in a bitterly divided country. His legacy is assured if he leaves before he is defeated. My gut is screaming that this is obvious. He no longer has predictable mental faculties. Through no fault of his own, time has caught up with him. Now, there is an opportunity to find another talented candidate. The process of figuring out who it will be would electrify the country. Voters have been saying for years they don`t want those same two choices. Someone younger with good ideas would be listened to intently. And now that the supreme court has made the presidency more like a monarchy, King Trump is exactly the nightmare you can imagine. He is already suggesting military tribunals for Mitch McConnell and Liz Cheney. It goes without saying that a second Trump administration is entirely unacceptable. Our one and only broken world would suffer irreparable damage. If you agree, please make your own tiny voice heard. We have to try.  If there are enough of us, we maybe can save our country. 

watercolor, collage, pride

 

                                                Algodones 2 watercolor on Yupo 26x20 inches

                               Spring Leaves, Iron Mountain watercolor on Yupo 26x20 inches

                                               North Coast watermedia on Yupo 35x23 inches

June 26 and 71 degrees at 4 pm? Thank you! 

Our day will come. By this date three years ago, a 'heat dome' had parked over the Pacific Northwest killing hundreds. I`m grateful for todays cool beauty.

Once again it is Pride month. My community of Lake Oswego celebrated its first Pride Event. We went early having no idea what to expect and wanting to be visible bodies if the crowd was small. It wasn`t.

 It is a unique honor and privilege to have lived in this era. Within my lifetime, within my culture, homosexuality has gone from unspeakably disgusting to widely accepted. And for one month, actually elevated. It is still disorienting but when I remember that my Christian mother was there at my wedding, I just feel blessed.

New collages;

                                       Furtive Movement watercolor on yupo collage 14x11 inches

                                          Floating Gate watercolor on yupo collage 12x9 inches

                             Each Flower Tracks the Moon watercolor on yupo collage 14x11 inches

                                     Bikram Dilemma watercolor on yupo collage 26x20 inches

 I`m trying to figure out why making collages is such a different experience from painting. The collages are completely engrossing with time awareness lost almost immediately. When I paint, I`m often waiting for something to 'set up', thinking intently about early 'layers', examining my ultimate visual 'reason' for painting a particular subject and then trying many different techniques to find the one best for this part of this project. Lots of thought! Until, if I`m fortunate, something better takes over. I think most painters paint for this sublime occurrence. When all the processes become harmonized, the angst has vanished and there is an understanding that something special is happening. Each choice makes perfect sense and looks wildly fresh. What a validation and yet totally independent of everything! You can never make it happen only be there when it does with a brush in your hand. Most of the time for me, painting is a complex mental moral entanglement that must be solved. This is why when I try to bring new insights into my process and it still ends up looking  like other RDTs, I`m exasperated. It`s like no matter what  exciting things are happening in the brain, the hand only knows one way of acting.

 These are from last winter, watercolor on Yupo 12 inch diameter. The fabulous Ginny Zanger told me yupo was now being made into circles, so I wanted to try them. Honestly, it wasn`t a great experience. There was a vertigo quality in making them, like they wouldn`t hold still. I even did some abstractions but they seemed unmoored altogether. I like the way they look but getting there was weird.

A neighbors irises. They stopped me on my walk and the more I looked at them I felt certain that their beauty was by design. Someone had thought about those colors and their placement. What a gorgeous carefree patch of life. For me anyway.

                                    

 I have been and known many lonely hearts. This woman found the biggest love of all. From the NYTimes, Modern Love

Finally Finding “The Magic”

Since childhood, I yearned for love. Once, I came within weeks of marriage before it abruptly fell apart. He said we were missing “the magic,” and, admittedly, he was right. A few men came and went. I’m now 59 with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. I still don’t have a partner, but I’ve fallen desperately in love with life. Exquisite beauty emerges everywhere: my cat on my lap, a cashier extending an unexpected smile, sunlight skipping across a lake. I use each day to soak up the world’s splendor. “Not yet,” I whisper to the heavens. “I love it here.” — Clare Cory

It was time for a new one. Some of you longtime readers might remember when that upper palette was new 12 years ago. It looks so awful because I couldn`t keep acrylic paint away from it. My painting process often required watercolor and acrylic applications at the same time. No regrets though now being older, I`m going to try to keep them separated. I`ve rearranged my studio setup to allow enough space for both. If I can actually pull that off, there is hope.

This is a photo of the delta of the Sacramento River I took from a plane a couple of weeks ago. I`ve been curious about it as it was the subject of the last body of work by the late Wayne Thiebaud. Often confused with pop artists, his wonderful work was representational and broadly appealing. The paintings that made him famous long ago were of desserts and deli counters.

                                                                    Wayne Thiebaud

Wayne Thiebaud lived to be 100 and these later paintings were based on the rich agricultural fields of the delta. The productive lands are not a tourist attraction so I`ve never seen them. I`m looking out the window and suddenly there it is! It`s so cool what you can see if the weather is cooperative. Flying down to see my family, we saw a moody Crater Lake and on the return,  saw Morrow Rock and then the Salinas Valley before the delta appeared. Twice before I`ve been able to pick out the landmarks of Yosemite as we flew by. Anyway, Thiebaud was a remarkable painter and by every account a splendid human being. He seems to have had a foundational curiosity and humility that took him far.

                                                                     Wayne Thiebaud

                                                                    Wayne Thiebaud

                                                                    Wayne Thiebaud

I don`t know how or why. Facebook is now sending me the best stuff my heart could desire. Essays by James Baldwin and Susan Sontag, poems by the familiar and unfamiliar, anecdotes about Joni Mitchell and Patti Smith and remembrances of W H Auden and Joseph Campbell. I love it. Facebook gets me at last.

Read this astonishing poem; 

Leave the dishes.
Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator
and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.
Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.
Throw the cracked bowl out and don't patch the cup.
Don't patch anything. Don't mend. Buy safety pins.
Don't even sew on a button.
Let the wind have its way, then the earth
that invades as dust and then the dead
foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.
Talk to them. Tell them they are welcome.
Don't keep all the pieces of the puzzles
or the doll's tiny shoes in pairs, don't worry
who uses whose toothbrush or if anything
matches, at all.
Except one word to another. Or a thought.
Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don't even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.
Don't sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we're all eating cereal for dinner
again. Don't answer the telephone, ever,
or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in though the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.
Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity. ~Louise Erdrich

 My last plein air effort. Not great but better than my average. Probably because I was sitting next to Jean Gale. Good things happen when she comes around.

god I love Roz Chast

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