Pride 26

                                                        Low Tide acrylic on Nara 18x12 inches

  Here I am. Some dark nights of the soul in this new year. Mental health is health and fortunately I`m from California where we get help if we need it. No stigma. I was able to call in the calvary too by virtue of an annual Medicare 'wellness' check. This remnant, woke bit of Democratic governance provided me practical, local contacts. Thanks Obama! For the first time in my life I questioned whether I even wanted to paint anymore. This caused a loss of identity that was really not comfortable. I`ve always felt extremely lucky to never have identity issues. But what do I want from my painting practice in this later part of my life? I`m still grappling with that but I do know now that any resolution will come from the painting process itself. What I`m losing interest in is the livelihood part especially. The 'career' stuff.  I never was focused enough on the professional strategies to advance much, I own that. For now and maybe from now onward, I don`t even want to think about shows or open studio tours.   

     From lots of reading and conversations with friends and professionals a way forward is becoming more clear. Those loved ones older than me have been particularly encouraging. The adaptations involve examination of things I took for granted. I`m learning this 'late life' is a time of 'being' more than doing. The race was won, I can relax.

  So I`m questioning now the utility of this blog [18 years old next month]. If promoting my work is less of a priority, is the journaling aspect of this enough to keep up the sporadic effort? I`m not sure though even as I type this I`m remembering all of the personal social benefits this blog has brought me. Significant friendships at a time when I didn`t know many people in my new community.

                                                              photographer unknown

  Randall and John, blessed to be gay and to find each other. As teens we had no imagination for how the world would change. May it change even more.  [photo by Leo Rijn]

 This Pride month of June has some joy and hope again, the tide has turned. Cruelty, ignorance and greed have not been defeated of course but they are not overwhelming the country like they were a year ago. The stoic citizens of Minneapolis broke that wave in the dead of winter. The arrogant, foolish war on Iran further undermined the hateful goals of this power obsessed administration. Republicans using the trans population to enflame and deceive Americans may be faltering too, I hope so. Trans culture is critical in understanding the complexity of gender in human relationships and expression. It is not black and white. Give the LGBT folk in your life some love. We are everywhere.

                                                                      David Hockney

  Speaking of pride. The late David Hockney was a true role model in being a gay artist. It was literally a matter of fact and he never hid it, apologized or explained. The confidence to be so boldly himself when homosexuality was still criminalized in the UK, I believe came from the loving relationship he maintained with his parents throughout their lives.                                                                                           As a landscape painter with plenty of opinions I`ll just say I took issue with much of the color in his later paintings. What I admired the most in his work was his ability with drawing. As good as Van Gogh and Rembrandt.  His first I-phone drawings were so inspired and he did them with his finger! He loved to draw! I wish I had more of that urge. What drawing I`ve done has always had a research element to it and less one of pleasure. It`s been wonderful to read so many accounts of his personality and work ethic since his death. His life sure looked like a work of art to me.      

                                           by David Hockney, one of my favorite paintings

                                                         Mt. Adams 1 wc 9x12 RDTipton

                                                         Mt. Adams 2 wc 9x12 RDTipton

                                                            Mt. Adams 3 wc 9x12 RDTipton

  We were in Hood River recently and I had forgotten the clear close view of Mt. Adams available on the west side of town. Just stunning. I bought some actual cotton paper [not plastic] to paint these on.

 I really don`t have much to show for the last few months. Painting only recently began to feel right again and I don`t want to burden the impulse with ambition. I`m figuring out this next part of my life slowly.

                                       Wetland Winter Tangle acrylic on Yupo 20x26 inches

  I`m teaching myself how to paint with just acrylics, like I used to before 1984. They haven`t changed much, they still pale in comparison to the immediacy of oil paint but the medium is much more suited to paper and I`m committed to working on paper. I`ve always been more comfortable with it and it is much easier to store. The problem for me is the weaker pigment load in acrylics. I continually need to repaint sections over and over. I`m doing it differently now.

Arthur Sze, 25th U. S. Poet Laureate 

                                                                     sunset on Mars

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