Strange new world

                                            Backwater oil on canvas 40x30 inches, 101x76 cm
 

Know anyone happy right now? The strangest time in my life keeps degrading. I have plenty to eat, I`m sheltered and warm with good health insurance. By most measures I`m certainly lucky if not wealthy. Yet it`s hard to be positive as these waves of virus wash over the world taking millions before their time. We are asked to wear masks in public and get free vaccinations and a huge number of citizens wails at this injustice. In their refusal, the virus has time to mutate again. Will this go on and on and on? Sure looks that way to me now. A true fatalism is slowly taking root. This isn`t all bad. American workers have not been so powerful in years. The pandemic has shown us that, yes, life is indeed short. Why spend your life doing something you hate if there are alternatives? This is healthy. People have lost their patience however and that`s problematic.I have never heard of so many acts of aggression! Shoppers attacking cashiers, deadly acts of road rage, the murder rate skyrocketing, trains being looted and angry raucous behavior during school board  and other civic meetings. 

In blue northwest Oregon where I live, our county commission meeting had to be abruptly cancelled because of a violent mood in the audience last week. I heard of a doctor working with Covid patients being constantly abused by the unvaccinated patients accusing her of killing them because she won`t give them the unproven drug Ivermectin! And meanwhile health professionals by the score are leaving their fields. It is a terribly stressful era for healthcare workers. I`m married to one and hear about this constantly. At times it feels like our country is coming apart at the seams. How could this be happening? After all we`ve accomplished? Maybe I`m just depressed but I know many others are far more discouraged.

Backwater, the painting up above, seems  to reflect my discomfort. The inspiration comes from the Minto Brown Island wetlands near Salem OR. Sloughs and ponds parallel this particular stretch of the Willamette River. I really love this place. Depending on the light though, it can look dormant and bleak in winter.

                                           Gorgeous Portland Nocturne by Maxwell Fishback

 Portland as a city in despair is not entirely accurate. Though plenty of residents are upset with the homeless situation, that issue does not define a city. All west coast cities are grappling with this and it will improve by trial and error. Voters approved a levy to create much more housing for these people who are down on their luck, mentally ill or addicted. It must be solved here and throughout the country or no one will enjoy their lives. 

What makes Portland unique is its generosity. Here is another letter from a teacher thanking the people of Portland for helping him help his students;

This city has never failed me and my students.

When I was at George Middle School someone cut the locks and stole several student's bikes from in front of the school while the kids sat in class. One of those stolen bikes was owned by the little brother of a past student of mine. The family had almost nothing but that morning he had been given a birthday gift... the bike that was stolen a few hours later.

I went on to a popular fundraising platform, the news showed up and a few days later the people of Portland bought every one of those kids a new bicycle.

When I travelled to Bangladesh to mentor the very first special education teachers in that country, the Portland Tribune ran a front page story. They put the link to that same popular fundraising site (different fundraising page though) and before you know it, Portland had stuffed so much money in my pockets, I was able to kit out two schools in great fashion! Each teacher got the equivalent of $200 to buy supplies (the dollar goes a LOOOOOOONG way in Bangladesh). At one school in one of the poorest areas of the entire planet, Portland paid to upgrade the lunch program for half a year of healthier bigger meals.

When my class hosted the special needs prom in the city, NPR showed up and showed the whole country our best practice (and it was the BEST! kids came from as far away as Salem and Ranier to celebrate their aging out of school at 21). I used to hand make every single girl a corsage. Portland stepped up, dropping ribbons and flowers off at our school. When my girls needed prom dresses Abbey's Closet stepped up and my girls got first choice of 7000 beautiful dresses.

And two nights ago, as I was freaking out about not having enough supplies to keep my students from sharing puzzles during covid, you all stepped up and kitted me out with enough puzzles that every kid will have their own bin with multiple activities I can swap out to teach new skills and higher learning. You all just came through for the kids who sit in my special needs classroom, at my special needs school, here in this incredibly special city of Portland.

I am not one of those teachers who feels unrecognized. This city has rewarded me in ways that very few people could have imagined. I was the first special education teacher to be Oregon's Teacher of the Year. My husband and I were the first gay couple to be honored by the Rose Festival and we rode through this city (on the back of a very slippery convertible) as you all cheered us on. At the time I was under orders if I said I was gay I would be fired but when the crowds heard them announce that riding with me was my husband, they went wild. When we got married The Oregonian had 45 pictures on their website. "Oregon's Teacher of the Year marries his long time partner" I believe, was the headline. They had a video tech follow us the whole day from buying our marriage certificate all the way to tying the knot. Though I was told I would be fired if I said I was in public, we took our vows on live television.

Soon after I was fired but I fought back and got my job back. The city of Portland did not take what happened to me sitting down. They overwhelmed my old school district with demands for my reinstatement, they threw out a bunch of the school board in the election that happened just weeks later, they continued to demand an apology even years later. After the Supreme Court, Portland got what they wanted. The district apologized. I accepted it whole heartedly. All of the people that did me wrong were fired, voted out, demoted or fled in shame and changed their names. The new admin is working hard to make the district the best it can be. The teachers, school nurses, the paraeducatiors and support staff at the district continue to be some of the finest people I have ever met in education.

And now, in these really dark covid times, I found myself struggling and once again, Portland (you all, this time), came roaring in to support me and my students. There is a reason I am a good teacher. It is because I live in a good city filled with good people. They always come through for me when my kids needs something.

I just wanted to say thank you. You all bought us books, art supplies, autism specialty items and so many wonderful puzzles. Several people from town are sending over lovingly-used puzzles. To know my students will not have to share anything with each other any more takes a huge stress out of my life. So, once again, you helped me and my staff by helping our kids. Thank you Portland. May you have a beautiful weekend and know that this city comes through when it needs to. We all can make that happen.

Brett Brigham is the teacher. Among his abilities  and talents, he`s learned to ask for help. Why is that so difficult for most of us? People yearn to be constructive but don`t know how, where or when. Answering a specific request sure makes it easier.

                                                                End of November 

                                                                   Marsh Hawthorne

                                                                      The Red Oak

These are some more oil on oil paper studies, 16x12 inches, 40.5x30.5 cm. As always, when I want to think while painting, it`s best done on paper.

                                                            Study in Blue and Gray

 

If anyone knows the name of this tattoo artist, please let me know. I don`t want one but I still would like to know who they are.  This is artistry of the highest order. The great tattoos of the world aren`t so available to my viewing, but knowing they exist pleases me. I don`t have an exhibitionist impulse ever but I like it that others do.

 With so much of the news crushingly negative, I have avoided a lot of it and turned to science fiction for an imaginative diversion. It has sure worked. It`s been  a pleasure to contemplate the problems and threats to distant worlds and times. It seems to give me a better perspective on the difficulties of our own history. John recommended the books of Dan Simmons and I have been deeply enmeshed in his Hyperion/Endymion quartet.  Escapism might just be self care as we try to dodge the virus.

                                                              watermedia on Yupo 26x20

A recent abstraction. It was much more enjoyable to paint this without thinking 'what am I doin?' Since circling back to landscape, the painting feels sincere and even exciting. Now painting without a subject can be fun again, less fraught.

Here are a few artists that are new to me;

                                                                     Pat Brentano

                                                                 Dorothy Ganek

                                                                     Billy Childish

                                                                   Martha Jungwirth

Click HERE for work for sale in my studio

HERE for prints

Rescue

                                              watermedia on Yupo 40x26 inches, 101.5x66 cm

 No title yet but I`ll be patient waiting for it. A friend saw tears and I do too but I don`t think it`s mournful. Not consciously anyway. In fact I`m getting excited about the election. Deliverance at last! The 4 year nightmare is almost over. It`s my belief that a majority of citizens will not only reject the president but also the Republican Party which enabled this tragedy. Democrats are spooked because of the last time of course but everything is different this election. We have seen what he will do and it is not acceptable. I`m confident in this because of the high turnout for the midterms when Democrats won 41 house seats. That was before Covid. Before impeachment. I`m confident that most Americans are so sick of the drama and incompetence of this administration, they`re desperate for it to end. 225,000 are dead in these last seven months from the corona virus yet it didn`t have to be like this. It will be a wild couple of months waiting for the inauguration of the new president. Trump is a sick insecure man. That is the most dangerous kind. But with a new day in sight, I believe better minds will constrain him. I sure hope so.

                                                                 Photograph: REX/Shutterstock   

Amy Coney Barrett was just confirmed as the newest Justice on the Supreme Court. Conservatives are jubilant. Presumably because hers would be another anti-abortion vote. I would just hope that this majority for 'life' think long and hard about restricting such a fundamental right. I have trouble imaging a more spiritual issue than a woman`s autonomy over her own body. Her right to decide when, if ever, she will bring a new life into the world. Allow her body to contain and support that life. 

 Make no mistake, if Roe v. Wade is invalidated, it will not end abortion. It will only make them dangerous. Throughout human history women have taken great risks to decide this matter for themselves. Rightfully so.

      

                                                                     by Chris Trueman

 Chris is my new painting crush. His work is process driven but edited throughout by a discerning sensibility. It is visually mesmerizing and joyful. Even watching him paint in this video, I still can`t figure out how he does it but I`m going to. He works a lot on Yupo and makes the most of its ability to reflect light back through the paint layers.

click HERE for work for sale in my studio

New Day Coming

                                          Rabat watercolor on Yupo 14x11 inches, 35.5x28 cm

 Even though I was very young, I remember the tension and anxiety of the Vietnam War well. Closing in on the draft age will make someone pay attention. Yet for all the division back then, this moment seems much worse. 213,000 dead as of today, the economy battered and the virus revealing exactly how mean our social order is. Essential workers, usually people of color, are exploited daily. The suddenly unemployed now lack wages and health insurance. The system is rotten, any honest person can see that. There is much to repair.

 An adult is on the way, the nightmare will end at last. The GOP is about to be decimated. They refused to remove the sick leader when they had a chance 10 months ago.

As I grieved Ruth Bader Ginsberg`s death I learned so much about her that inspired me.  As principled and certain as her convictions were,  she never demonized her opponents but instead tried in her most creative arguments, to persuade them. Everyone notices how polarized our country is right now but it doesn`t have to be like this. There is no coming civil war or succession of states. I have little patience with those that swear they will leave the country. That is the ultimate white privilege, just walk away. We are here together, bound by our history together as brutal as that may have been. If the liberal West Coast became its own country where does that leave our black citizens in Alabama? No, if the unthinkable should happen again, we will need each other more than ever. We just need to take some deep breaths and learn to listen again. Let respect be non-negotiable. 

All the while pressuring the powers that be for economic justice and opportunity. 

                                                               photo by Noah Berger

 When I last wrote a blog post, the fires in Oregon had just begun. I was in the evacuation zone told to be ready. The flames never came close thank god but my husband`s hometown of Mehama was destroyed. What everyone in Western Oregon had to endure was smoke of an unimaginable magnitude. The air was between 400-500 on the air quality index for nine days. Under 50 is considered healthy. My hundred year old house could not keep it out. It was like the air wanted to kill me. I did absolutely nothing to avoid taking a deep breath. My studio was off limits because my radon remediation system is based on bringing air in from the outside to displace the radon. The experience was so extreme it put the corona virus into a new, proper perspective. I is nothing compared to what is coming by way of a hotter climate. When a rainforest dries out, there is a whole lot of fuel that can combust quickly. Controlled burns, the way the natives used to do them, is the big conversation now. No one wants to go through that again, it was truly terrifying.

 Falls Creek, the jewel like tributary of the Umpqua River burned in the fires. I`ve only seen it twice, it isn`t nearby. The first time I entered it with John we had just had the worst fight. There was a parking lot so I pulled in and we began to walk in silence. The mossy geology there is so special; a small rainforest stream winds among enormous boulders that are draped in vegetation. The beauty is staggering and our discord was overwhelmed.

Here is a video by Elijah Finlay of the canyon before the fire.

Below are some of my paintings of the canyon;

 Last week I finally got away, first time since the quarantine. To the John Day Fossil Beds National Monument. It was austere colorful and bright. Truth is we went as much for the place we stayed, Painted Hills Vacation Rentals. This is such a fun collection of cottages perched above the funky town of Mitchell.  The Painted Hills are a half hour away.

Even did a painting;

                                                              Equitable Farm 1973

 Those that know me have heard me mention the 'farm'. I spent my 19th year living in that converted chicken coop above. I`m the middle one, the other two were friends from high school who had come by  on their way north to Vancouver. By the time I found the farm it had already been a real commune. Now it was a collection of young people who didn`t quite fit in. Willing to milk goats and weed the garden for a place to live. Everyone was female but me. It was the most educational time in my life. It was there I found my sister.

    watermedia on paper 19x14 inches, 48x36 cm

                                              watermedia on Yupo 14x11 inches, 35.5x28 cm

 Two new abstract paintings.

My practice and mental health have been all over the place. The social distancing especially is getting to me and I`m a recluse. I know many others with more tangible problems. 

Music has been a comfort but in listening to a piece repeatedly it becomes infused with sadness and I need something new again. Most of us will survive this awful time but we will always remember how defeated it felt. A better day will come.

                                                   The late Leonard Cohen buying Cheetos

Listen to his encouraging song Democracy, sung by the Lumineers.

                                                                  by Mark Rothko

 Rothko`s watercolors from the 40`s fascinate me with their loose reference to myth and ritual.

Click HERE for work for sale in my studio

High Anxiety

                                                  oil on canvas 36x60 inches, 91.5x152 cm


 This is how and where I spent the summer, working on this painting. The layers are thick and my patience is done. I can live with this. As with all of the recent abstract work, I`ve been troubled with an uncertain judgement. I can`t tell if anything has merit when it happens and when it`s 'finished', I`ve just actually walked away. Unless I can`t take my eyes off it, but that experience is rare these days. I`ve begun to wonder if the global sense of tension and uncertainty has infected my process.
 A month or so ago I had a productive day in the studio and I was getting ready for bed and noticed a strange feeling. I paused and searched my memory and realized it was happiness. True story, I didn`t recognize it.

 Might be because being American right now is like riding in a speeding car with a drunk driver. No one knows what the president will do next. He`s taken a sledge hammer to the post office, decided to let the virus just run wild, and done nothing in months to aid the desperate unemployed and hungry. His stupid executive orders have gummed things up and benefited few. It`s a nightmare.
 Help is coming. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be a vast improvement. After Julian Castro dropped out, Elizabeth Warren was my choice but Biden is fine for this moment in history. He seems to have the humility to listen to others. I suspect he will have experts soon at work trying to repair the economy and the public health. Right now Trump is the number one danger, none of us are safe. But when he`s gone, I think the rebuilding will be more creative and just than we`ve seen in two generations. I sure hope.

 I began this post three days ago but was interrupted by two separate power outages. They happened because of strong winds from the east blowing trees down onto the power lines. The wind was a result of a cold front that came down from Canada into the Rockies. With everything so dry in the American West, fires have multiplied since August. The photo below was taken down in the Willamette Valley yesterday morning.

                                                        my yard 5 miinutes ago 9/92020


 The fires are burning so fiercely, it`s not known what human life has been lost yet. Everyone in the state has been asked to prepare for evacuation. I live away from the flames but we`re asked to 'be ready'. Scary and sad. John told me yesterday he doesn`t remember forest fires as a kid. This part of Oregon was just too wet but not anymore.
 As our country gets on its feet again, the rapidly warming climate has got to be addressed. The natural disasters come quicker and stronger than ever before propelled by the warming temperatures.

 Many people I know out of state have asked me what is going on in Portland? The truth is I haven`t been so sure myself even though I live just 10 miles south of downtown. As heartening as they were to me, I have not been a participant in any of the demonstrations. I do not like any sort of crowd whatsoever. Following some research I`ve done, it seems there are two types of protests going on. The Black Lives Matter group wants to keep pressure up to insure reforms really do happen. Oregon and Portland in particular, has a shameful racist history that is living memory. The black community is small here without much political strength. Demonstrations are a way to keep the issues alive. The other faction is harder to grasp. Portland is a liberal city, its voting records prove so. Yet as it gained notoriety as a hip creative place to live, a radical strain of political thought arose, more confrontational. As far as I can tell, this group of young people are protesting daily and are willing to light fires and throw things to bring attention to their message. Which is that the system is structurally unstable and unjust. I couldn`t agree more. But I fully believe president Trump sent in federal security forces to get press coverage of the conflicts to amplify his law and order campaign message. He hopes to win by stoking white fear and resentment. Evil in other words. The problems of lower income white families are not the fault of people of color or immigrants. They all suffer from a suffocating lack of opportunity. Your zip code is now your destiny and the country is as segregated as ever.
Portlanders do not want violence or looting, and they do not like being used for pawns.

Here is a haunting short video with the national anthem sung in a minor key

                                             watermedia on paper 19x14 inches, 48x36 cm


 This only took two days, much faster than anything else completed in the last 6 months. A different look than other current work but I was craving some color and again hoping through chance to develop an attitude of competence.
 I`ve done a couple of landscapes again too;

                                Mountain Sketch watermedia on paper 8x8 inches, 20x20 cm

                                   Sundown watermedia on paper 19x14 inches, 48x36 cm

                                Above Hanalei watermedia on paper 19x14 inches, 48x36 cm


 Like everyone, I`ve been home so much I have severe wanderlust. I can`t stop thinking about Kauai. When this pandemic is conquered, and the islands are open to visitors again, I sure hope some limits and reforms to tourism are initiated. Way too many visitors at one time! There must be a way to manage that and include the locals in the revived economy. Maybe a tax like Alaska did on their oil revenues with a distribution to all its citizens once a year.

                                                            by the great Roz Chast

                                                               by Agnes Pelton


 Several years ago leaving the De Young art museum in San Francisco, I saw this hanging near the entrance. I was familiar with the artist but had never seen one in person. It was absolutely luminous and it sparked my curiosity. She was a long time resident of the CoachellaValley in Southern California near where I grew up.

                                                                   Agnes Pelton


 Her work is a very personal exploration of mysticism and spirituality. The craftsmanship she worked with is exceptional. The deserts around Palm Springs are best known for their golf courses and for once being the playground of Hollywood types. Before them however, there was a small underground. Rock hounds, painters, hermits, refugees of the spirit, squatters and writers. It is a stark and brutal environment much of the year but some learned to thrive there.  With evaporative cooling, as the natives had used, and an adaptable nocturnal  lifestyle, a good life could be found.

                                                                  by Agnes Pelton

click HERE for work for sale in my studio

HERE for prints of my work